Every true warrior wants and needs honest preparation before they enter into battle. Without testing defenses and tactics which, academically, should work with no problem whatsoever, there is no real way to know that your offensive combinations and defensive prowess really are effective. Giving one's self a chance to drill better enables every defender from the undead the chance to establish and/or hone well-grounded preparedness principles. In addition, it helps ensure one's own safety while preventing one's survival group from being faced with yet another Phyrric victory. While there is no completely honest substitute for live one-on-one combat with the undead to best learn their primal and oddly cunning ways, the associated risks with such an encounter make the use of human on zombie testing drills largely impractical. This tutorial is to serve to give as an introduction to the remarkably safe and instructive role of the Zombie Pop Quiz.
The Zombie Pop Quiz (hereinafter referred to as "ZPQ") originated in the summer of 1997 by a few dedicated researchers located at the then-fledgling World Zombie Defense Headquarters. Despite the minimal and cramped space available to them in their initial Stratford Hills facilities, the dedicated staff was able to lay the groundwork for this revolutionary and highly instructive procedure. In the days since the technique first appeared, various research staffs have thrown their collective weight at the underlying need to develop a well-organized and, ultimately, highly educational preparedness program that can be used in a wide variety of locations and environments. This work has been furthered in the zombiedefense.org research and testing facilities, and we are proud to present you with a series of activities and drills that you can perform on your own to help prepare you for the day you will be forced to think on your feet in the face of a ghoul without the luxury of being able to tell yourself "I'll handle it better when it's real." By continually practicing and engaging yourself and those close to you in a series of ZPQs you will be doing quite a bit to make sure that you help fuel humanity's survival in the face of unrelenting evil.
The ZPQ offers the serious student a chance to hone a number of diverse yet intertwined skills and techniques that will prove themselves to be invaluable in the face of a real zombie attack. These crucial skills are:
Observation: Survival is predicated on picking up on subtle cues from your environment and knowing when and where an undead attack may come from at any point in time. Is there a creaking coming from a room away that you have never heard before? If so, maybe it is time to get your guard up and prepare for whatever else may be on the other side of that wall. Paying close attention to what is all around you can be the difference between any particular member of the undead ranks coming up on you by surprise and your being able to conduct a pre-emptive and well-distanced defensive strike.
Analysis of surroundings: Related to observation skills, the ZPQ allows you to constantly hone your ability to walk into a room and figure out how your environs can best serve your needs in the event of a zombie attack both defensively and offensively. For example, let us say that you have surveyed a room and realized that you have two exits. In that case, when you are suddenly confronted by the undead coming from one direction you know exactly what to do. While it goes without saying, you take the unobstructed exit rather than standing and fighting. The chance to flee and survive was available due to the fact that you quickly checked what was readily available when you entered the room. This is a demonstration of the value of this vital skill which can be effectively practiced during a ZPQ.
Improvisation and complex problem-solving: While every single thing learned to help protect humanity during a well-executed ZPQ is invaluable, reinforcement of the value of resourcefulness for the human warrior is paramount. Trapped in a restroom without your trusty weapon while the walking dead pound on the door craving your brains? Scanning your surroundings and noticing that you could remove the top of the toilet tank to use as a tool to brain your foes can mark the difference between life and death. This is the sort of problem-solving prowess one can develop by having participated in a number of effective ZPQ testing scenarios.
While any individual may feel that they already possess measurable strengths in many or all of the aforementioned skill sets that are focused on in the ZPQ, every capable human defender can always learn more and should never be caught resting on their laurels. Practice heavy and practice often.
The ZPQ Framework
The ZPQ is an essential practice mechanism that every potential zombie defender should engage in frequently in order to best hone their individual skills. The basic ingredients needed to conduct an effective ZPQ are quite simple and easy to bring together and offer even the most hardened defender ample teachable moments. Even when shoddily organized and executed these drills provide one with the chance to learn and adapt to the challenges brought forth by close-proximity combat with the undead. These guidelines are here only to provide one with an idea of how to best conduct an effective test of their abilities. Feel free to modify the generalities presented here to best serve your own survival group's needs. With these provisos established, the researchers at zombiedefense.org present for your use the following.
Manpower Requirements
To be effective a ZPQ should feature at least two (non-undead) human participants. While most of these rules are open to individual interpretation, our researchers have found that any sort of accurate and useful ZPQ must utilize two humans. The roles to be used for the humans are that of testee (the individual whose zombie defense skills are being tested in this particular examination) and that of "zombies" (all of the other participants in the ZPQ who are acting as if they were among the ranks of the undead for testing purposes). These roles are further defined here.
Testee - The individual who is being tested in the ZPQ must be prepared at all times for any sort of "attack." This particular role in the testing scenario is the one carrying the most inherent stress as they are having their preparedness put to task. The best advice to the person in this role is to not let your guard down and to remain ready at all times.
"Zombies" - All participants in the ZPQ who are not that run's testee should play the role of the undead. Use your best skills, observed or otherwise, to mimic your actions, "strategy," and gait as closely to that of the undead. The strategy you exhibit to search for your warm quarry should be rudimentary at best - zombies aren't particularly well-known for their teamwork. Your role is to amble around a room aimlessly, to lay down on the floor as if you were a dragger, or any other sort of generally undirected activity until you catch sight of the testee. Then you should shamble towards them in an effort to "eat" them.
Staging Mechanisms
To best create the sort of surprise and unpredictability involved in a true zombie attack, no ZPQ should begin with the testee directly facing the "zombies" as they "turn into" zombies. The individuals acting as zombies should assume their role when out of direct eyeshot of the testee and then begin whatever sort of testing pattern they wish to engage in. We have found both the tests and results to be more useful whenever the test subject has to stumble upon the zombies or is taken by complete surprise by their advance. This allows the test to be as useful as possible as the testee will be forced to adapt and react as best they can under the stress of the overall encounter.
Intra-Quiz Procedures
The testee should attempt to defend himself against the approaching dead as best as possible. Using whatever improvised items are available to fend the "zombies" off while merely escaping the situation to a shamblor-free location is one manner in which the testee can survive and pass their test. Another method is to "brain" the "zombies" using the improvised weapons available to you. It is imperative that if you are the testee and you are trying to "brain" your opposition that you DO NOT actually injure those other ZPQ participants. Instead you should pantomime the action that would brain the ghoul. Once the "zombie" participant is "brained" than they should cease activity for the rest of the quiz. For these sorts of examinations, the ZPQ will end whenever all "zombies" have been "brained."
Grading Mechanisms
The experience gained from participation in a well-run ZPQ is hard to truly quantify for both the testee and the "zombies." For the testee they have had their wits challenged and have had to come up with reactions under duress. For the "zombies" they have learned (hopefully) some good tips that they can use from watching the testee respond to their advance. We recommend that all participants convene to discuss the testee's performance immediately after the cessation of the quiz. These orderly discussions can get quite lively as everyone discusses what they perceived to be both the strengths and weaknesses of the feat. All of this aside, the survival group would possibly be well-served to post an overall tally sheet somewhere within their safe house that displays what the group collectively deems to be the testee's performance in that particular quiz. We have found that grading on an academic scale of "A" to "F" works well to help categorize the performance. It is important when grading a testee to be completely fair and honest. This is no time for grade inflation - rate yourself harshly and accurately. Are there areas that you were horribly prepared in and need work on for future quizzes? Let the record reflect as such.
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