The snack index can be a useful tool in your preparations. Should you attempt to wrangle a pigmy sperm whale from Greenpeace's guilty hands, or would it be more in your best interest to befriend Bea Arthur? The snack indices listed below are an amalgam of the two industry standard measures, the Poincare method and the delta-epsilon slorgy complex. Please note that the higher the snack index, the more desirable a shamblor will find the listed target.
| Target | Snack Index |
|---|---|
| The Sun | 0.0000000 |
| Rocks | 0.0000002 |
| Glass, broken | 0.0000004 |
| Statuette of Dwight Eisenhower | 0.0000755 |
| Statuette of Grover Cleveland | 0.0000790 |
| Cactus, very prickly | 0.0005422 |
| Coccolithophorids | 0.0006660 |
| Apple, golden delicious | 0.0006661 |
| Apple, granny smith | 0.0008400 |
| Japonacteon suturalis | 0.0009800 |
| Crab, pinky-toe | 0.0010010 |
| Shark, small | 0.0010184 |
| Shark, impressive | 0.0010192 |
| Shark, fucking awesome | 1.0000005 |
| Whale, pigmy sperm | 1.0000009 |
| Sperm, pigmy sperm whale | 1.0000011 |
| Medina, "Funky Cold" | 1.0001240 |
| Medina, standard | 1.0005410 | Wolf, standard | 1.9950000 |
| Wolf, giant | 2.3340000 |
| Novak, Robert | 2.3340008 |
| Pig, domestic | 2.3340017 |
| Porpoise, standard | 2.3360455 |
| Porpoise, romanticized television hero | 2.3360456 |
| Lemur, aye-aye | 2.3370500 |
| Bird, gross | 2.3370577 |
| Bird, delicious | 2.3370599 |
| Bird, Larry | 2.3370600 |
| Arthur, Bea | 2.3380000 |
| Car, fast | 3.0077777 |
| Chapman, Tracy | 3.0078887 |
| Fatty, standard | 5.0000000 |
| Fatty, fatty two-by-four | 5.0000450 |
| Tucker, Maureen | 7.9000000 |
| Carvey, Dana (pre-1997) | 8.9875441 |
| Carvey, Dana (post-1997) | 8.9875443 |
| Mummy, Egyptian | 54.1540000 |
| Mummy, Hatian VooDoo | 55.9874114 |
| Mummy, British slang for "mother" | 57.0054120 |
| Winfrey, Oprah | 122.0040000 |
| Newton, Isaac, hologram of | 144.0555557 |
| Winfrey, Oprah, if she was crippled | 167.8744440 |
| Thatcher, Corky | 198.1400055 |
| Hawking, Stephen | 776.0000000 |
| Baby, poor | >45,000* |
| Baby, privileged | >94,000* |
* The calculations become less accurate at the extremes of the spectrum. Here, the mathematical formulas must be recalculated, although, relatively speaking, the numbers are functionally accurate.
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